It's every parent's nightmare, isn't it? Something you think will never happen to you, but when it does it's horrendous," says Nick Wentworth-Stanley quietly. He is talking about the loss of his son, James, 21. A popular, talented student with apparently everything to live for - who 13 months ago ago committed suicide.

Nick, who has a photo of his handsome, smiling son sitting on a desk at his side as he talks, says: "Words cannot describe the desperate frustration a parent suffers losing a child in this way.

"You play back everything in your mind, constantly questioning if there was something, anything you could have done to prevent it."

The emotions he describes - shock, disbelief, grief, almost unbearable sadness - will undoubtedly be all too agonisingly familiar to the family and friends of the 17 youngsters in Bridgend, South Wales, who over the past year have apparently all committed suicide.

This alleged cluster' - of particular concern are seven youngsters who apparently knew each other - has forced suicide into the headlines time and again recently.

Nick, 53, says: "I have so much sympathy for those parents.

"Press reports describing it as an epidemic' and grouping the tragedies do nothing to minimise the acute personal pain suicide causes in each and every case.

"Suicide is so little understood - that's one of the problems.

"I never realised until it happened to us what a toll it takes of young lives. I wasn't aware it kills more young men in Britain than any form of disease or accident."

He and his ex-wife Clare, 46, Marchioness of Milford-Haven, have just set up a charity to help raise awareness of the high suicide rate among Britain's young men.

Their own tragedy unfolded with frightening speed. Ten days before his death, James, a second year student at Newcastle University, had a small operation on one of his testicles - to correct an abnormal enlargement of one of the veins.

Though surgeons reassured him the operation had been 100 per cent successful James developed a belief he was the one-in-a-million case and it might affect his sex life.

He returned to his family for a pre-Christmas celebration, at his father's home in the Cotswolds.

His mother and stepfather were also there, and his siblings, Harry, 18, and Louisa, 14.

Without any warning, James calmly took a shotgun from his father's safe and slipped outside and shot himself.

Nick, a former Lloyds insurance broker, says: "There was no warning he might do it. He had no history of mental illness, he wasn't a drug user or a heavy drinker.

"He had so much energy and enthusiasm for life, and was so loving and fun to be with. It seems like a moment of madness."

It emerged after his death that James had gone to an NHS clinic in Newcastle a few days before, and told staff he'd had suicidal feelings.

He was sent to queue at A&E as a low-priority case - equivalent to the level of having a bad toothache.

Deterred by the wait, James left. His computer revealed he had searched websites about the operation, and left numerous phone messages with his surgeon seeking reassurance. Nick says: "At first, I couldn't believe James had killed himself deliberately - I was convinced it must have been an accident. It's something you never want to see. It never leaves you, that image.

"It felt like a nightmare. James had been a bit low when he got home but never spoke of suicide. He said thinking about the operation had done his head in'. Both his mother and I thought we had reassured him."

The family's distress was further compounded by discovering that a note to his GP from a nurse at Newcastle A&E, saying James had discussed suicide, was sent second class with the wrong postcode, and only arrived after his death.

Nick said: "Suicide rates amongst young men must be known to health professionals, and this was in a university town where problems such as depression cannot be uncommon.

"It would seem to me that a young man in James's state of mind should be considered with as great a life-threatening illness as an old man complaining of chest pains, and should be treated accordingly with urgency and care."

Over the last year the couple have endlessly tried to analyse the reasons for their son's action, but Nick now says: "Inevitably you feel guilt for failing to see the signs - but I didn't know he would do something so horrific. All I can think is, it was an irrational moment. Of course you're haunted by what ifs'. I wonder sometimes if because he had so much going for him and his life by comparison to many was so carefree, that it made the sudden onset of the anxiety and depression completely confusing for him."

Nick says he could not have predicted his ability to cope. "I'd have said I'd be a complete smoking ruin at losing any one of my children, but it turns out you have reserves of strength. It may sound harsh, but I consciously thought James has taken himself out of this world, but I will not let him take me down with him'.

"You cannot let the grief consume you, you have to appreciate the family you have.

"He was my eldest son, and slowly I'm getting used to living with the overriding agony of the loss, and learning to live with it."

The James Wentworth-Stanley Memorial Fund (www.jwsmf.org) will raise money for programmes aimed at reducing the suicide rate, such as making parents aware of the danger signals, working to ban so-called suicide websites', and urging schools to discuss and counsel pupils about depression and suicide.

Official statistics show every year in the UK around 1,600 people under the age of 35 take their own lives. Included in that figure are 600 to 800 young people between the ages of 15-24 - the population of a small secondary school.

Nick says: "We believe the official figures would be even worse if you factor in the fact that most coroners do not assign suicide verdicts where there's an element of doubt to spare families further pain. We've received so many letters and emails since the charity started which are so moving. They're from parents and from people who've experienced suicidal feelings themselves and attempted suicide.

"So many have said they felt let down by the health service in its attitude to depression."

He added: "Suicide affects the brightest and most brilliant people in our land, and has no regard for background or circumstance. No family is immune from this problem."

WHO'S AT RISK: Papyrus chairman Anne Parry says: "It's difficult to generalise, but some characteristics crop up time and time again. They include a very sensitive nature, inability to cope with criticism or disappointment and being poor at finding solutions to problems. They may be impulsive and often are perfectionists or people who set themselves unrealistic targets."

WARNING SIGNS: Changes in usual behaviour, anger or hostility, tearfulness, being quiet or withdrawn, changes in eating patterns and, for students, skipping classes and problems completing schoolwork.

WHO CAN HELP: PAPYRUS: Its helpline HOPELineUK is 01978 367 333/0870 170 4000 - or visit www.papyrus-uk.org Those suffering suicidal feelings can call The Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90, www.samaritans.org.uk

8:22am Tuesday 4th March 2008

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