SOMETIMES, some things can be so vast they are beyond the comprehension of the feeble human mind.

The depths of the oceans, the barren wastes of the deserts, the mind-exploding infinity of the solar system, the endless oblivion of the universe and, even biggerer and vasterer than all of that, the live music on offer round these parts over this bank holiday weekend.

And straddling the weekend like a cider-soaked colossus is the Quayside Music Festival at the Rendezvous in Weymouth.

This time it’s a two-day monster, featuring some of the most popular and crowd-pleasing acts around and starting on Sunday, August 30 at midday with Hustle, followed, on the hour, by Lauren Bannon, Blazin’ Strings, The Chase, Amy Mayes, Matt Black, Mad Hatters and the mighty Peacock Suit.

Then it’s home for a quick sit down, shower and shave and it’s all happening again on the Monday, August 31, again from noon, with the Weymouth Ukeleleans, followed by Juke Box Junkies, Speedway Snails, Minty Trevina (which does sound like some sort of Cornetto to me), Matt Taylor, Southern Sinners, Shooter and the mighty Mighty Fine.

Quite a couple of days to delight visitors and locals alike, I think you’ll agree.

And up on the seafront, the Lazy Lizard is hosting its all-day Hippy fest on the Sunday, August 30, with Under the Carousel, Mad Hatters and The Chase among those on the bill.

Over the bridge and The Boot is hosting its two-day bash, cleverly entitled Boot-i-ful Daze (gah, just seen what they did there), on Saturday and Sunday, August 29 and 30. Saturday’s fare includes AJ Williams at 3pm, followed by Gut & Steel, Barney Newman and The Riffs. Sunday’s line-up is just as good with Lauren Bannon, Pete Christie, John Stone and The Shakespearos.

But it’s not exclusive to Weymouth, oop north in Dorchester there are three days of fun-packed music, starting with the Anonymous Festival featuring new young bands on Saturday, August 29 in Maumbury Rings.

And on Sunday August 30, it’s time to put on your best frocks for the Love Parade which will now be taking place INDOORS at the Corn Exchange and not Maumbury Rings as originally planned. Well, you don’t want you best frock ruined in the rain do you?

And on Monday, it’s the all day Dorchester Music Day with seven great bands, again in Maumbury Rings.

And finally, if you’ve a thing for bald left-handed drummers, and I know I certainly do, you’ll be thrilled at the return of award-winning tribute act And Finally… Phil Collins to the Pavilion in the band’s hometown of sunny Weymouth on Saturday, August 29.

The crack 11-piece outfit, complete with horns and two drummers, and fronted by the rather amazing Pete Bultitude, will be bringing their two-hour spectacular take on all Phil’s hits and, for the first time on this tour, a go at some of the Genesis back-catalogue.

Tickets are available from the Pavilion box office on 01305 783225.

Whatever you do this bank holiday weekend, have a great time, and keep it live.

Till next time…

FRIDAY (28)

The Mighty Fine (Finns, Weymouth)

Leggomen (Lazy Lizard, Weymouth)

Paul Gibson (Royal Portland Arms, Portland)

Remix (Park Hotel, Weymouth)

Converse (Weymouth Working Mens Club, Weymouth)

The Dinnerladies (Weld Arms, Lulworth)

George Stevenson (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Replay (Spice Ship, Weymouth)

Billy Solo (Wellington, Weymouth)

Mama Feelgood (Royal Exchange, Portland)

The Silhouettes (Eight Kings, Portland)

The Shakespearos (The Snug, Weymouth) 10pm.

Amy Mayes (The Quay, Wareham)

The Riffs (Wyke Smugglers, Weymouth)

The Red Crow (Clifton, Portland)

Acoustic Rooster (Ropemakers, Bridport)

Sheryl Lee (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

The Lanterns (Stables, Weymouth)

Dakota (Golden Lion, Weymouth)

SATURDAY (29)

And Finally… Phil Collins tribute (Weymouth Pavilion) Award-winning tribute show. Tickets £18.

Alfie Neale Band, Pop Club, Dinner For Two, Theya Fowler, Banana High and many more (Anonymous Festival, Maumbury Rings, Dorchester) All day free festival featuring rising local bands.

AJ Williams, Gut & Steel, Barney Newman, The Riffs (Boot, Weymouth) It's Boot-i-ful Daze, from 3pm.

Subversion, Leggomen, Morgan Lily, Tom Hastie, Blazin’ Strings, Stereoironics and many more (Aura, Weymouth) All day fundraiser for Southampton Hospital's PICU charity. £4 on door, from 2pm.

The Pick Ups (Finns, Weymouth)

Seabass (Lazy Lizard, Weymouth)

Finn, Under The Carousel (Little Ship, Portland)

Steel City Screamers (Royal Portland Arms, Portland)

Tim Andrews (Conservative Club, Weymouth)

The Dinnerladies (The Snug, St Mary’s Passage, Weymouth) 10.30pm.

Chase Me (Rendezvous, Weymouth)

The Chase (Wyke Regis Working Mens Club, Portland Rd, Weymouth)

The Katz (RBL Club, Portland)

Morgan Lily (Park Hotel, Weymouth)

The Veterans (Weymouth Working Mens Club, Weymouth)

Sheryl Lee (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Replay (Black Dog, Broadmayne)

Dr Robert (Wyke Regis Social Club, Weymouth)

C Sharp Blues (Kimberlin Club, Portland)

Old Dogz New Trix (Centenary Club, Weymouth)

The Duke and The Broad (Royal Standard, Upwey, Weymouth) 8pm.

Seaside Mick, Fuzzy and the Grooveriders (George, Portland) From 5pm.

No Fixed Abode (Tom Browns, Dorchester)

Blue Rock (Wyke Smugglers, Weymouth)

Frank E Finn (Bridge Inn, Preston, Weymouth)

Bug Tree Swamp (Ropemakers, Bridport)

Paul Gibson (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

SUNDAY (30)

Hustle, Lauren Bannon, Blazin’ Strings, The Chase, Amy Mayes and The Change, Matt Black, Mad Hatters, Peacock Suit (Quayside Festival, Rendezvous, Weymouth) From midday.

Lauren Bannon, Pete Christie, John Stone, Shakespearos (Boot, Weymouth) It's Boot-i-ful Daze, from 3pm.

Under the Carousel, Seabass, Blazin’ Strings, Mad Hatters, The Chase (Lazy Lizard, Weymouth) Hustle, Pink UK tribute, Vanilla Radio, Jilly Ann, Miss Jason, Nina Garcia and many more (Love Parade, Corn Exchange, Dorchester) From midday, all day free festival.

Tripod (Finns, Weymouth) Acoustic Rooster, Mutter Slater, Bug Tree Swamp, Shelby’s Elbows, The Boarding Crew plus many more (Ropemakers, Bridport) The pub’s 26th birthday bash, from 4pm.

The Dinnerladies (Royal Exchange, Portland) 5pm.

Open Mic (Park Hotel, Weymouth) Noon-10pm. Fundraiser for Chestnut House.

Allen Howard (Weymouth Working Mens Club, Weymouth)

Replay (Red Lion, Hope Sq, Weymouth) 2pm.

Ricky Solo (Sailor’s Return, St Nicholas St, Weymouth) From 3pm.

Jam Night (Sailor’s Return, Nicholas Street, Weymouth) Music from 8pm.

Juke Box Junkies (New Vic, Weymouth)

Ed Bleach (Me on the Quay, Outside Old Rooms, Weymouth) 2.30pm

Big Al Whittle (Walled Garden, Moreton) 6.30pm

Rob Ryan (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth) 8pm.

The Duke and The Broad (Black Dog, Weymouth) 2pm.

Amy Mayes and The Change (The Nook, Weymouth) 9.30

Gut and Steel, Seabass (George, Portland) From 3pm.

Matt Clarke-Williams, Rich Young, The Riffs (Little Ship, Portland)

Plinky Plonky Open Mic (Dolphin, Weymouth) 4pm.

Finn (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

MONDAY (31)

Weymouth Ukeleleans, Juke Box Junkies, Speedway Snails, Minty Trevina, Matthew Taylor, Southern Sinners, Shooter, Mighty Fine (Quayside Festival, Rendezvous, Weymouth) From midday.

Andy Grant Trio, Boy le Monti, Darren Hodge, Stone Roots, Leggomen, 24 Pesos, Willowen (Maumbury Rings, Dorchester) From 1.30pm, all day free festival.

Seabass (New Vic, Weymouth)

Trip (George, Portland) 2pm

Six String Steve (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

TUESDAY (1)

Stacey Lou (New Vic, Weymouth)

Du Kane (The Boot, Weymouth)

Martin Freed (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

WEDNESDAY (2)

Dave Bowen and Jazz Friends (Three Compasses, Charminster)

Dave P’s Open Mic Night (Rendezvous, Weymouth) From 8pm.

Wessex Folk Night (Sailors Return, Nicholas Street, Weymouth) Acoustic folk, here every Wednesday.

The Leggomen (New Vic, Weymouth)

Open Mic Night (Little Ship, Portland) Martin Freed hosts.

Kathy (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

THURSDAY (3)

Leggomen (George, Weymouth)

Ricky Solo (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Open Mic Surgery (Tom Brown’s, High East St, Dorchester) All backline provided, come on down and have a play.

Steve’s Singalong (Duke of Cornwall, St Edmund Street, Weymouth) Steve hosts this session.

Lauren Bannon (New Vic, Weymouth)

Traditional Tune Session (Cove House Inn, ChiswelI, Portland)

Ukulele Sessions (Sailors Return, St Nicholas St, Weymouth) Strum on down from 8pm.

FRIDAY (4)

Speedway Snails (Finns, Weymouth)

The Riffs (Little Ship, Portland)

Jess Upton and the Guilty Pleasures (Spice Ship, Weymouth)

Billy Solo (Wellington, Weymouth)

Chill (Royal Exchange, Portland)

Mama Feelgood (Tom Browns, Dorchester)

Travelling Moon (Royal Portland Arms, Portland)