IT’S good news on the health front, chaps!

Current government regulations regarding five-a-day items of fruit or fruit-related products have been extended to include spending all day in the pub on the nudger, hoping for the lemons and cherries to line up and win a small fortune.

Or you could indulge yourself with some refreshing apple or pear-based drink at the Dorchester Cider Festival which takes place tomorrow, Saturday, September 17 in the Borough Gardens, which are conveniently in Dorchester, from 3pm until 10pm.

As well as lots of lovely, lovely cider, there’s a great line up of live music to help it go down a treat.

If you like your fiddly-dee-dee stuff, you’ll be wanting to catch headliners Neck and there’s great support from rock behemoth Danny Adams, The Darwins, the new deification that is Kipper Roberts, sea shanties from Dorset Wrecks, Blazing’ Strings and the fabulous Jimmy Hillbillies.

The whole she-bang is the rescheduled she-bang from last month when threats of a tropical monsoon put the kibosh on it

. All indications are that it’ll be a fine day so in the words of eminent West Country philosophers The Wurzels: “ Drink up thy zider for tonight we’ll merry, merry be.”

And if any apple farmers are frightened of diversifying, they should just grow a pear, frankly...

Moving on, if you have an interest in bald, left-handed tub thumpers, and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t, you’ll be heading for the Weymouth Pavilion on Sunday, September 18 for And Finally, Phil Collins.

This award-winning tribute show is currently on a mahoosive 60-date UK tour, so it’ll be quite handy for some of the locally-based members of this 11-piece outfit to pop home for a change of pants and plectrums.

They’ve just picked up the best tribute act award from The Agents Association of Great Britain for the second time, so it’s clear they are very much the shizzle and, what’s more, the bizzle.

Faithfully recreating shedloads of the back catalogue of Collins, both his solo work and that of Genesis, it’s a rip-roaring show and tickets at £20 are available from the box office on 01305 783225.

And finally, after And Finally, there’s yet another night of mosh-tastic metal courtesy of those groovy folk at Uprising Promotions at Finns in Weymouth next Friday,September 23.

Headlining are Gloucester-based progsters Oakhaart, local death metal monsters Anakim and fellow Weymuffians Accursed Years, who define their genre as True English Slack Metal (yes, I know…), Wiltshire’s foremost exponents of brutal soundscapes Iconsburn and four-piece folk metallers Sköll, who hail from that there Devon, and are, disappointingly NOT a tribute to the 70s lager.

It’s just £3 on the door from 7.30pm.

Till next time…

GIG GUIDE

TONIGHT (16)

Synchronicity UK: An evening of Sting and The Police (Weymouth Pavilion)

Papa George Blues Band (Electric Palace, Bridport)

Stereoironics (Finns, Weymouth)

Swamp Grass (Royal Portland Arms, Portland)

Road Hogs (George, Dorchester)

Andy Kennett (Weymouth Working Mens Club)

Billy Solo (Wellington, Weymouth)

Sheryl Lee (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Average Wyke Band (Wyke Smugglers, Weymouth)

Finnian (Black Dog, Weymouth)

Mike Sidaway (Gloucester, Weymouth)

Cloud 9 (Spice Ship, Weymouth)

Tripod (Lugger, Chickerell, Weymouth)

Pronghorn (Ropemakers, Bridport)

SATURDAY (17)

Neck, Jimmy Hillbillies, Danny Adams, The Darwins, Dorset Wrecks and many more (Cider Festival, Borough Gardens, Dorchester)

Mutter Slater Band (Crown, Bridport)

Mutter Slater Band (Bridport Record Shop) 3pm.

The Skones (Finns, Weymouth)

The Wurzels (Electric Palace, Bridport)

Smugfest (Smugglers Inn, Osmington) Featuring Hot Bacon, Neil Coad, Milk and Two, Skint Imperials, No Standards, Indian Summer, Mama Feelgood, Cherry Pickers. Contact pub for details.

Dirtbox (Sailors Return, Weymouth) A new band with Paul Sharrod, George Hall and Barnacle Bill the Sailor. Take care.

Mike Walker (Conservative Club, Weymouth)

Think Twice (Weymouth Working Mens Club)

Elvis 56 (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Remix (Park, Weymouth)

Bad Edukation (Wyke Working Mens Club, Weymouth)

Loose Connections (Bull, Fordington, Dorchester)

Leggomen (The Boot, Weymouth) 2-5pm.

Average Wyke Band (Drax Arms, Bere Regis)

Dave Griff and the Trouser Band (Gloucester, Weymouth)

Nite Lite (Centenary Club, Weymouth)

Total Madness (Black Dog, Weymouth)

Hot Lava Java Band (Wyke Regis Social Club, Weymouth)

Hot Bacon (Golden Lion, Weymouth)

Bad Intention (Market House, Weymouth)

Steve Nicholas (Bridge Inn, Preston, Weymouth)

Gut and Steel (George, Chideock)

The Kurst Sons (Ropemakers, Bridport)

SUNDAY (18)

And Finally… Phil Collins tribute (Weymouth Pavilion) Folk, Country and Blues (Old Town Hall, Weymouth) 7.30pm.

Smugfest (Smugglers Inn, Osmington) Featuring Hot Bacon, Neil Coad, Milk and Two, Skint Imperials, No Standards, Indian Summer, Mama Feelgood, Cherry Pickers. Contact pub for details.

Ricky Solo (Sailor’s Return, St Nicholas St, Weymouth) From 3pm.

Sheryl Lee’s Sunday Club (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth) 4pm.

Bitter and Twisted (Globe, Weymouth) 4.30pm.

Singalong with Roger Mac (Gloucester, Weymouth) Johnny Mac (Black Dog, Weymouth) 3-7pm.

Gut and Steel (George, Portland) 3.30pm.

JD Acoustic (King’s Arms, Portesham) 4.30pm

Replay (Wyke Smugglers, Weymouth) 2pm.

MONDAY (19)

Acoustic session (Belvedere, Weymouth) Sunset Cafe Stompers (Ropemakers, Bridport)

TUESDAY (20)

Lauren Bannon (The Boot, Weymouth

Ricky Solo (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

WEDNESDAY (21)

Wessex Folk Night (Sailors Return, Nicholas Street, Weymouth) Acoustic folk, here every Wednesday.

Open Mic Night (Royal Exchange, Portland)

Open Mic (Bull, Fordington, Dorchester)

THURSDAY (22)

Stereoironics (The Boat That Rocks, Portland Marina)

Stomping Dave (Sunray Folk Club, village hall, Broadmayne)

Leggomen (George, Weymouth)

Ricky Solo (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Open Mic (George, Dorchester) With Elijah Wolf

Open Mic (Drift Bar, Hope Sq, Weymouth) With Aaron Carter

Traditional Tune Session (Cove House Inn, ChiswelI, Portland)

Ukulele Sessions (Sailors Return, St Nicholas St, Weymouth) Strum on down from 8pm.

SoapBox Night (Belvedere, Weymouth) Music, poetry, comedy, whatever Hosted by DuKane.

FRIDAY (23)

Oakhaart, Anakim, Accursed Years, Iconsburn, Skoll (Finns, Weymouth)

The Hot Sprockets (TBTR, Portland Marina)

Billy Boy Miskimmin and Mercy Lounge (Royal Portland Arms, Portland

The Crack (George, Dorchester)

Ashley Day (Weymouth Working Mens Club)

Sheryl Lee (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Average Wyke Band (Star, Weymouth)

Matt Black (Park, Weymouth)

Billy Solo (Wellington, Weymouth)

Nina Garcia (Spice Ship, Weymouth)

The Paper Trains (Ropemakers, Bridport)