STORMS of biblical proportions with enough rain to make Noah reopen his account at B&Q for more planks of 4x2 and nails can only mean one thing: It’s August.

Yes, it’s the Great British Summer with more fetes, parties and celebrations organised for outdoors than you can shake a blown inside-out umbrella at.

That, I think, is called Sod’s Law, which is when something that can go wrong, inevitably it WILL go wrong.

And that’s not to be confused with Cole’s Law, which is a salad consisting primarily of finely-shredded raw cabbage and is served most commonly with a mayonaise dressing.

So, let’s all join hands and pray to Kagool, the ancient god of weather, for a break in this misery and a bit of flippin’ sunshine, okay?

It’s OsFest tomorrow, Saturday, August 5, in the delightful village of Osmington with US guitarist Brooks Williams topping a bill that includes Elfentale, Raising Kaine and Toby de Kretser.

Tickets for Brooks’ gig in the village hall are £9 and available from 07816 832554.

And tomorrow is also the date for the Southwell Street Fayre on Portland with C Sharp Duo, Strings and Reeds, Under the Carousel and Micky Biggs and Friends entertaining the islanders.

And the weather better hurry up and cheer up for two mahoosive events taking place on Sunday, August 6.

First up is the Party in the Park at Lodmoor Country Park in Weymouth which is hosted by those lovely folk at Air FM 107.2 As ever, they’ve got a tip-top line-up of talent, including Cuba Libre, Milk and Two, Toxic Fish, Drive By Jammin’, Peacock Suit and Under the Carousel, there’s loads of things to do for all the family and it all kicks off at midday and it’s FREE entry.

And, also on Sunday, August 6, heading west along the coast it’s West Bay Day, which is day that happens in West Bay, conveniently enough.

It’s a huge fundraiser for local causes including West Bay WI, St Andrew’s School playgroup and Pathways to Care and there’s a belting line-up of bands including Mama Feelgood, The Mighty Fine, Bad Intention and K2.

Looking ahead to next week and it’s Weymouth Carnival. Now, whatever your opinion on the event, it’s still a great occasion for the town and chance to show the thousands of visitors that we know how to put on a big bash.

There’s certainly an impressive array of local talent on show for the two-day extravaganza on Tuesday and Wednesday, August 15 and 16.

On the Tuesday on the beach stage, fr’instance, there’s Edd Bleach, Identikit, The Secrets, Side Door Project, Bad Intention, Drive By Jammin’, the Lo Numbers AND The Stereoironics among others.

And on the Wednesday, there’s JD Acoustic, Jukebox Junkies, Stacey Lou, Hustle, Danny and the Champions of the World, Tequila Mockingbird, Peacock Suit, Hustle, Regulation 9 and a full show from the mighty Dolmen, for flip’s sake!

Those grockles will be in awe of the amazing talent we have in this patch, but then we already knew that, didn’t we?

Till next time…

GIG GUIDE

TONIGHT (4)

King Tuts Revenge, Toxic Fish (Lazy Lizard, Weymouth)

Working Title (Finns, Weymouth)

Lewis Craven Band (Royal Portland Arms, Portland)

Billy Solo (Wellington, Weymouth)

Retro (Weymouth Working Mens Club)

Finnian (Park, Weymouth)

Sheryl Lee (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

The Leggomen (Café Jagos, Dorchester)

Drive By Jammin’ (New Vic, Weymouth)

Dave Griff’s Open Mic (Gloucester, Weymouth)

Dana Immanuel and the Stolen Band (Belvedere, Weymouth)

Cherry Lee Mewis (Boat That Rocks, Portland Marina)

Du Kane (Black Dog, Weymouth)

Open Mic Night (Duke of Albany, Weymouth)

Phil Murray’s Diamond Dogz (Ropemakers, Bridport)

Stevie P (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

SATURDAY (5)

Elfentale, Raising Kaine, Triple, Toby De Kretser, The Cronk Brothers, Brooks Williams (Osfest, Osmington)

C Sharp Duo, Gut and Steel, Strings and Reeds, Under the Carousel, Micky Biggs and Friends (Southwell Street Fayre, Portland) From 1pm.

Peacock Suit (Finns, Weymouth)

Bad Intention (Sailors Return, Weymouth)

The Rock Apes (Market House, Weymouth)

The Rat Pack (Conservative Club, Weymouth)

Sticky Jam Band (Weymouth Working Mens Club)

TBC (Park, Weymouth)

The Defibrillators (Wyke Regis Working Mens Club, Weymouth)

Johnny King (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Nick Sellars (RBL Club, Portland)

The Mighty Fine (Gloucester, Weymouth)

Revolution (Hardy’s Tavern, Dorchester)

Andy Twyman (Belvedere, Weymouth)

Cantaloupe (Boat That Rocks, Portland Marina)

Replay (Gamekeeper, Charminster) 2-5pm.

Sheryl Lee (Duke of Albany, Weymouth)

BJ McCabe (Bridge Inn, Weymouth)

Compass (Golden Lion, Weymouth)

The Curst Sons (Ropemakers, Bridport)

Karen Kay (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

Stacey Lou (Black Dog, Weymouth)

Loz and Ricardo (Centenary Club, Weymouth)

SUNDAY (6)

Cuba Libre, Under The Carousel, Milk and Two, Toxic Fish, Blazin’ Strings, Peacock Suit, Drive By Jammin’ (Party in the Park, Lodmoor Country Park, Weymouth) From 12-7pm.

Nina Garcia, Mama Feelgood, Bad Intention, Barracoodas, Mighty Fine, Daytona, K2 (The Mound, West Bay, nr Bridport) Music from 1-11pm.

Martin Maton (Weymouth Working Mens Club)

Skint Imperials (Three Compasses, Charminster)

Elmore Goes Electric (Anchor, Burton Bradstock) 4-7pm.

Minor Fret (Boot, Weymouth)

Tim Andrews (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth) followed by…

Darren H (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Ricky Solo (Sailor’s Return, Weymouth) From 3pm.

Rat Pack (New Vic, Weymouth) From 2pm

Nina Garcia (New Vic, Weymouth)

Roger’s Singalong (Gloucester, Weymouth)

Weird and Gilly (Crown Inn, Puncknowle) 4pm

Sunday Blues Session (Belvedere, Weymouth)

Replay (Red Lion, Weymouth) 2-5pm.

Timeless Tunes (Duke of Albany, Weymouth) 4pm.

Aaron and Karina (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

Stacey Lou (Black Dog, Weymouth) 4-7pm.

Gut & Steel (Royal Standard, Weymouth) 2.30pm.

MONDAY (7)

Tim Andrews (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Acoustic session (Belvedere, Weymouth)

Blazing Strings (New Vic, Weymouth)

Open Mic Night (Boot, Weymouth)

TUESDAY (8)

Paul Williams (Weymouth Working Mens Club)

Leggomen (Boot, Weymouth)

Ricky Solo (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Acoustic Session (Rock, Weymouth)

Danny Adams (New Vic, Weymouth)

WEDNESDAY (9)

Tim Andrews (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Wessex Folk Night (Sailors Return, Weymouth)

Open Mic Night (Royal Exchange, Portland)

Open Mic (Bull, Fordington, Dorchester)

Stacey Lou (New Vic, Weymouth)

Farrago (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

THURSDAY (10)

Leggomen (George, Weymouth)

Ricky Solo (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Jam Night (Golden Lion, Weymouth)

Tripod (New Vic, Weymouth)

Traditional Tune Session (Cove House Inn, Portland)

Ukulele Sessions (Sailors Return, Weymouth)

SoapBox Night (Belvedere, Weymouth)

Sean C (Duke of Albany, Weymouth)

Karen Kay (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

FRIDAY (11)

The Shakespearos (Finns, Weymouth)

Matt Wallis (Weymouth Working Mens Club)

Cntrl Alt Delete (Park, Weymouth)

Darren H (Edinburgh HoS, Weymouth)

Billy Solo (Wellington, Weymouth)

Drive By Jammin’ (New Vic, Weymouth)

V8 Hearts (Ship, Dorchester)

Rich Baxter (Gloucester, Weymouth)

Paul Sundt and Joe Ryan (Belvedere, Weymouth)

Stereoironics (Boat That Rocks, Portland Marina)

Monkey Jump (George, Portland)

Elvis Pete (Duke of Albany, Weymouth)

Kathy (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

Bad Intention (Golden Lion, Weymouth)