Police take action over domestic abuse rise in West Dorset

Bridport Inspector Mike Darby revealed domestic violence figures in the town have nearly doubled in the last year.

He said the force is taking domestic violence very seriously.

“There were 57 cases last year and 100 this year – a 75.4 per cent increase.

“Our policy around it is so strong because it is murder prevention. Eight out of 10 murders are domestic violence. Very rarely does it come to that but it does happen.

“We have had three this year in Dorset alone – all domestic incidents.”

This week is Domestic Violence Awareness week and Dorset Police are gearing up to launch Operation Maple in the run-up to Christmas in a bid to protect victims.

Part of that operation is to highlight the dangers of domestic abuse and let victims know there is help.

BRIDPORT Police Inspector Mike Darby said the force takes domestic abuse – in all its forms – very seriously.

And with good cause – with three domestic violence deaths in the county this year, he said.

He said: “At its heart it is murder prevention.”

He said it was important for victims to realise that abuse, once started, is unlikely to stop.

Inspector Darby said: “It doesn’t start off with the husband beating the wife around the head.

“It starts off with a swearing, then a punch, two months later something else happens and it increases.

“We need people to realise at an early stage that that one off-incident, when it has happened three times is no longer a one-off incident.

“This is a pattern starting which we see time and time again. Once that pattern starts it is never going to stop unless the person does something about it.

“Doing nothing tends not to be the solution.

“If the victims do nothing suddenly now it is ‘acceptable’ and they have done nothing about it and the abuser feels they can get away with it – in their psyche they feel it is acceptable.

“Report things as early you can because we have processes in place where we can help.”

He said although there was without a doubt under reporting he hoped the increased figures reflect victims’ increased confidence in coming forward.

“I am hoping that crime isn’t increasing but people are feeling more confident to contact us.”

The definition of abuse includes emotional abuse but proving it is more of a challenge but there were specialist teams of police to deal with it.

“If people think they can get away with stuff they will carry on doing it. Domestic abuse is about control and bullying.

“If we are called and when we get there the person who called suddenly says nothing has happened, we are not going to take that at face value.

“We will investigate and if we believe an offence has taken place we will deal positively with it because you can’t put that decision down to the person who two minutes before we turned up is being abused and then expect them to make a rational decision.”

Bridport woman describes her ordeal

A 48-YEAR-OLD Bridport woman was brave enough to speak of her 15 years with an abusive partner – with the perspective of five years free of him.

Even now she cannot see her escape or the fact she is now self-employed in accountancy is anything to be proud of.

That is down to the years of emotional abuse that left her depressed with no self-confidence and very low self-esteem.

Here is her story: At first the relationship was fine and she was soon expecting their first child.

Then began a long, downward spiral to drink, depression and a debilitating lack of confidence.

She said: “He only hit me once or twice.

“But it was the mental cruelty that took all my confidence. After 15 years I felt everything was my fault. I had depression and my children suffered through the arguments every day, day and night. They were going to bed crying not knowing what was going on.

“Even now it is the children who suffer more.

“My self esteem was completely zero. I felt like I was worthless. Even five years later I still don’t feel confident or able to trust anyone.

“We did have good days when things were fine but if things didn’t go his way it would all start – the name calling, he said I was worthless, I was like a sack of potatoes.

“He was very controlling.

“I lost all my friends and was very isolated.

“When my children were a bit older I took a part-time job but I was accused of doing things with my bosses.

“I was never allowed to go out, or if he came with me when we got home I would be accused of fancying other men and that kind of thing.

“In the end just getting out of bed was an effort for me.

“The more things he said to me the worse the sexual side of the relationship became.”

She was made to feel as if that was her fault and went to sexual therapy where she was told it was the relationship making her the way she was. She was told she needed to be strong and get out of it.

“I felt I couldn’t talk to anyone in case it got back to him and then it would be 20 times worse.

“That’s what stopped me from seeking more help. I really struggled doing it on my own.

“I started drinking heavily, all kinds of things to try and numb myself to try and forget it.

“Slowly I thought: ‘I have nothing to lose.’ Then one morning on my birthday I just got out of bed and left.

“Even after I left he told the children I was prostituting. At one stage he said my son was not his child.

“He still says it was all my fault. He said I would never be able to survive on my own.

“My advice is to get out as soon as you can because they will destroy your self esteem.

“It is scary, especially if you have children, but just get out because there is always help out there for you. Do not stay in any relationship where the man absolutely abuses you, even if it is not physical.

“A lot of people don’t realise because they don’t hit you they don’t realise mental abuse is as bad. Sometimes I wished he would hit me instead of the mental abuse.

“A lot of people are scared because if you go to get help they think their partner will find to and it will be worse.”

Finding out the reasons why people are abused

CLLR Molly Rennie, the chairman of Domestic Violence Forum, said it was not clear whether increased figures for domestic violence was down to more awareness and confidence from victims to report abuse or whether it was on the increase.

But what is sure is that there is no ‘typical victim’.

She said: “It is nothing to do with poverty, it is nothing to do with alcohol, nothing to do with drugs, it is nothing to do with them. They exacerbate the situation, but they are not the reason why.”

She said Christmas was often a catalyst because people are trying to make things perfect.

She said: “There are always spaces before Christmas because people think: ‘I don’t want to spoil Christmas for the children I’ll give it another try’ and then after Christmas there is a massive demand for refuge spaces and support services.”

Cllr Rennie said there had always been abuse but the difference now was there was much more help and understanding for victims.

She said: “I came to Bridport to talk to a group of older ladies a long time ago and somebody said: ‘It never happened in my day’ but then another one said: ‘It did, but my mother kept sending me back and saying I’d made my bed and I’d have to lie in it.’ “Then it was like a cork had come out of a bottle and all these ladies talked about how bad it had been with nowhere to go for help.”

She added: “Dorset has refuges all over the county.

“We have safe houses.

“Sometimes a breathing space is what people need.”

Courses for male abuse victims to get up and running in 2015

DOMESTIC abuse doesn’t just happen to women.

Although figures say that one in four women will suffer domestic abuse in their life, so will one in six men.

And in Dorset, Police and Crime Commissioner Martyn Underhill is funding courses for male victims, which will begin in January.

Underhill said: “Whether you are male or female the issue is the same. These courses help you cope with where you are now and where you are moving to.

“Some of it is about changing your attitudes to your future partners which may help protect you.

“So absolutely whether you are male or female these courses help enable you, help raise your self esteem, help you prevent being a victim in the future.”

The men’s course will be run as a pilot in the Dorchester area on a Thursday evening between 7pm and 9pm.

The course is based on NHS NICE guidelines for treating Post Stress Disorder Type 2, which is frequently experienced by victims of domestic abuse.

Guy Stovold and Jo Keane will run the courses.

Domestic Abuse Intervention Training runs three different types of course for victims – the freedom programme, pattern changing and recovery toolkit.

All are free but participants must over 16.

Domestic abuse contacts

• Domestic Abuse Intervention Training: Pauline Collier – Course Facilitator: 07747 705916; Jo Keane – Course Facilitator: 07826 077525.
• DAIT 01305 265148. dait@talktalk.net
• Dorset Police (in an emergency always dial 999) 101.
• National DV Helpline (24 hour) 0808 2000247.
• National Men’s Advice Line 0808 8010327.
• You First (Dorset County Outreach) 0800 0325204 24-hour telephone line.
• Childline (for children) 0800 1111.