Strictly Come Dancing’s judges are in a league of their own when it comes to cutting and, occasionally, bitchy assessments of celebrity routines.
The BBC One ballroom show wouldn’t be the same without judge Craig Revel Horwood sneering: “Dance disahhhster, darling!” at somebody. Feast your eyes on some comments that cut deeper than a Samurai sword.
1. Craig Revel Horwood to ex-MP Ann Widdecombe, series eight.
“It was all a bit local authority, dahhhling!”
2. Arlene Phillips to ex-political correspondent John Sergeant, series six.
“John, you are outstanding at dancing really badly.”
3. Craig Revel Horwood to celebrity chef Gregg Wallace, series 12.
“Very camp with the broken wrist and the struts.”
4. Arlene Phillips to rugby player Matt Dawson, series four.
“You danced it with the sex appeal of a gnat!”.
5. Bruno Tonioli to rugby player Kenny Logan, series five.
“You had the grace of a vacuum cleaner!”
6. Bruno Tonioli to EastEnders actor Christopher Parker, series one.
“You were stamping on cockroaches!”
7. Arlene Phillips to actress Claire King, series four.
“It was more like a samba from Southsea.”
8. Bruno Tonioli to celebrity chef James Martin, series three.
“You went from Fred Astaire to Freddy Krueger; it was like Nightmare on Elm Street.”
9. Len Goodman to comedian Julian Clary, series two.
“A Shetland will never beat the thoroughbreds!”
10. Craig Revel Horwood to snooker player Willie Thorne, partnered with Erin Boag, series five.
“Hunching over Erin like a walrus isn’t a Tango, sadly.”
11. Craig Revel Horwood to actor Will Thorp, series three.
“You were waltzing around like a drunken kangaroo.”
12. Bruno Tonioli to presenter Kate Garraway, series five.
“Tutankhamun in a frock would have done a better job. The footwork was mummified.”
13. Arlene Phillips to Kate Garraway, series five.
“What is it with GMTV presenters? You don’t have rhythm. Is it all that sitting on the couch? … You were like the people who sit at home and never win the Premium Bonds.”
14. Bruno Tonioli to Nancy Dell’Olio, series nine.
“Nancy, emerging from the coffin, looking like the Queen of the Night, but you danced like the walking dead.”
Let’s hope the judges go easier on the class of 2015!
The 13th series of Strictly Come Dancing airs tonight at 7.15pm on BBC One.
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