Caroline Buchanan is our new Agony Aunt at the Dorset Echo. She’ll be helping readers with their problems on a weekly basis. 

Dear Caroline,

I have started dating a man who lives 180 miles away and because of all the Covid restrictions we have only met, in real life, three times.

We met halfway so as yet we haven’t been to each other’s homes.

We Zoom, speak on the telephone and email regularly which is lovely. We really do get on like a house on fire and have a lot in common.

What’s more, we both divorced five years ago and each have two grown-up children in their twenties.

This man is funny and bright and I really like him. He’s kind, caring and affectionate and truly values honesty.

I also fancy him like mad and actually think I could fall in love here. We’ve both had relationships since our divorces but are both free now. So far so good, you might think, but lots of my friends are saying long distance relationships just don’t work.

Especially in the current Covid climate. I’m also scared I might make another big mistake…I have not been a good picker of partners in the past because I’ve always let my romantic nature get the better of me. Needless to say, that has led to very difficult relationships. I’m pleased to say my ex-husband and I are now good friends, despite a very tricky divorce.

Quite frankly, we should never have married in the first place, because we were both on the rebound when we tied the knot. My ex is not the father of my two children. He abandoned us all when they were little. I’ve had a lot of counselling so hopefully that will help me with my future decisions.

Julie, Weymouth

I feel for you Julie and understand why you’re both excited and nervous!

What will be so good in your future picking of men is your awareness today. It was very wise of you to have counselling.

You know yourself much more now and are aware of where and why you went wrong in the old days.

Your new relationship shows many hopeful signs including the fact you have quite a bit in common. Shared values count for a lot. It’s also good that you state you really like him, not just fancy him!

Quite a few couples out there don’t actually like each other which is very sad. I suggest you take this new friendship as it comes and savour slowly getting to know each other.

Check out that neither of you is still grieving a past relationship, or, if you are, that you are working on it. Women tend to do their grieving while they’re single again, but men are more prone to grieving their ex within a new relationship.

Ideally, you will both have come to terms with your past losses. Long distance relationships can work, as long as they’re not a cover-up for fear of commitment. As you say, so far so good, so carry on enjoying it.

If you’re both willing to put the effort in, who knows where this might lead? Connect, communicate and collaborate, whether you’re together or apart, and all will be well, regardless of the outcome. That fact that you’ve both met halfway, literally, bodes well!

Caroline

Caroline Buchanan is a journalist, author, agony aunt and Relate- trained counsellor who lives in Dorset and West London. Her latest book is The 15-Minute Rule for Forgiveness. Her previous book, The 15-Minute Rule - How to Stop Procrastinating and Take Control of Your Life, is a bestseller. If you would like Caroline’s advice, send your problem to joanna.davis@dorsetecho. co.uk and it will be passed on.