Caroline Buchanan is our Agony Aunt at the Dorset Echo. She’ll be helping readers with their problems on a weekly basis.

Dear Caroline,

My best friend died suddenly and I feel devastated. I’ve known her since school days and been with her through all the ups and downs of life. I was so happy for her when her sons were born. She was utterly thrilled to be a mum.

I shall miss her dreadfully and I feel so sad for her boys and her husband. To be honest I feel sad for me too – I really miss her. I help her family as much as I can but I feel so desperately lonely inside. How do I cope?

Susannah, by email

My heart goes out to you, Susannah. The loss of a loved one is always very painful but when it happens so suddenly and without warning it can seem so overwhelming. While you have huge compassion for her family, do please find the same for yourself – of course you’re going to feel desperately sad and lonely without her. This is only natural. You will learn to come to terms with your loss but there is no way round the grieving process. You can’t really avoid it - as I always say, the only way is through it. The stages of grief include shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance and not always in that order. Grieving can jump about between them as well. There are often guilt feelings too, even when there is absolutely no need for them. As you will have discovered, grief comes in waves. You can be walking around feeling okay, and then suddenly a wave will knock you off balance. But believe me, you learn to surf them. Talking about your friend and remembering all your lovely times together will help. Corny as it is to say it, time really does heal.

Dear Caroline,

I’m in a relationship with a much older man who’s married. But before you tell me off, he is getting a divorce! He’s always been a bit wild with women and drink but he’s told me he’s now turned over a new leaf. I really want us to have a strong, steady relationship and am sure I can keep him on the straight and narrow. Friends are very dubious but why shouldn’t this work?

Jane, by email

What can I say Jane, except run for the hills! Okay, I’ll try and be a bit less extreme here.. Yes, this relationship could work if your leopard really has changed his spots. Are his deeds matching his words? Or is it all talk and no trousers? Please don’t for one split second imagine that you, or your love can change his spots for him. You say yourself he has a long history of bad behaviour and I’m afraid that isn’t turned round in five minutes. There are so many questions here, one of them being do you know for a fact he is he really getting a divorce? Keep your eyes wide open and go very slowly with this. Don’t devote energy trying to change him, because you can’t and you won’t – conserve that energy for looking after yourself. Reminds me of a joke I heard the other day: ‘Girls can see the difference between 200 shades of nude lipstick but they can’t see red flags!’

CAROLINE Buchanan is a journalist, author, agony aunt and Relate- trained counsellor who lives in Dorset and West London. Her latest book is The 15-Minute Rule for Forgiveness. Her previous book, The 15-Minute Rule - How to Stop Procrastinating and Take Control of Your Life, is a bestseller. If you would like Caroline’s advice, send your problem to joanna.davis@dorsetecho. co.uk and it will be passed on.