Caroline Buchanan is our Agony Aunt at the Dorset Echo. She’ll be helping readers with their problems on a weekly basis.

Dear Caroline,

I’m very worried about my friend. She had no option but to confide in me that her boyfriend had beaten her up because I saw all the evidence. I know their romance has been very volatile but I didn’t think it would come to this. Her parents have put pressure on her to have nothing more to do with him but I can see her wavering. She feels he’s her soul mate and that she’ll never find anybody else to connect with like him. It would be mad for her to go back but she just can’t see that. She’s living with her parents, thank God, but I’m terrified for her.

Rachel, by email

‘But I love him!’ is the cry echoed by thousands of women when their men have abused them. Actually, though, nobody is denying that they do love them. But love certainly doesn’t mean they should ever put up with being abused. These are completely separate issues. Violence is totally and utterly unacceptable. There are no grey areas here. Ironically, because your friend fears life without him, she is actually risking her life by seeing him. Cases of domestic abuse have surged in lockdown and we now have the highest rate in a decade. 14 women and 2 children were killed in just the first three weeks of lockdown. Please tell your friend that there are absolutely no excuses for violent behaviour. Ask her to call Refuge on 0808 200 and visit their website on www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk. (As you will see, this website address could be confusing so do check you use the letters da between the words national and helpline). No doubt he will have apologised to her profusely, but that won’t stop him doing it again. When she talks about ‘loving him, and not being able to stay away’ point out that if he loves her, he will get help to ensure violence never happens again. Unless and until that happens, she must stay well away from him.

Dear Caroline,

My husband is very friendly with his ex-wife. Far too friendly in my opinion. I know he has to maintain contact for the sake of their children but surely, he doesn’t have to confide in her like a best mate, does he? He should be talking to me! They even met secretly last year because I got so angry about their closeness. We row so much about this. Please help.

Jackie, by email

I understand your pique, or should I say jealousy, but for peace around this, there has to be some negotiation. It’s so good for the children that their parents get on. Having rows with your boyfriend on this won’t achieve anything because that will only drive him underground again. If you can keep calm, while putting a reasonable point of view, he’ll be much more open to meeting you halfway. Become approachable, rather than hostile, and then he will start confiding in you. I think it would be a very good idea for you to work on your jealousy…not just for your relationship, but for your own sake.

CAROLINE Buchanan is a journalist, author, agony aunt and Relate- trained counsellor who lives in Dorset and West London. Her latest book is The 15-Minute Rule for Forgiveness. Her previous book, The 15-Minute Rule - How to Stop Procrastinating and Take Control of Your Life, is a bestseller. If you would like Caroline’s advice, send your problem to joanna.davis@dorsetecho. co.uk and it will be passed on.