Well, that's May out the way and what a wet one! Well, sort of. It's been raining off and on for nearly the whole month interspersed by half days of boiling humid sunshine, though the late bout of precipitation appears to have pleased the Junta and local Ayuntamiento as they plan for the coming onslaught of a hot dry summer and increased water consumption.

It always amazed me that Britain has one of the highest rainfalls in Europe, with flood caused devastation and mayhem now more of a regular sight than ever due to what's now known to be the over building and urbanisation on natural water and flood plains. Sometime over the coming months of the short British summer there will be a number of water shortage warnings, possible rationing conditions and the inevitable hose-pipe ban implemented by local councils in an effort to save what little water they have managed to gather in the ever decreasing and inadequate reservoir system which has seen supply outstripped by demand year on year with no sign of improvement yet with higher water rates than ever. (Whoa, easy Al, too political?)

Water here is relatively cheap especially as most of us are metered and have swimming pools to keep filled and driveways to wash down! But in the near seven years of home ownership in the area, we've never known of a water shortage in the main town supply. Indeed, not even on the coast where it's estimated water consumption can rise five times the norm during the tourist season. There are some I know complain that their particular urbanisation, Campo plot or out of the way domicile runs short or is cut off regularly from the town supply during the hot months. I only know that most of the reasons are to do with illegal builds, unregistered properties or contractors having failed to inform or request the local council of the demand required, or very few, like everywhere, fall victim of a cock up!

Whatever the reason, in my experience, we have never been short or restricted in our usage and see in the papers regular articles about new desalination plants and lakes being formed or built for future water supplies. In a place as hot and rain restrictive as Southern Spain, we need such future investment. Perhaps this obvious solution could be used in Blighty? (Anyway, Rose says if we do run dry, there's always Sangria!)

The last year or so before moving over was taken up mainly by exploring the immediate area of Malaga province while sampling anything Spanish in the way of cuisine and culture. It's true to say that, as stated in earlier weeks, trying to live as a resident instead of a tourist was easier said than done, especially with the diversity of the spoken and gesticulate communication. Needless to say, we made many a faux pas as it were when trying to order, buy, ask or demand anything from an indigenous inhabitant whose English only stretched to you pay!'

Nevertheless, persist we did. At every opportunity, out came the phrase book from Rose's handbag while I smiled like an idiot saying si' to everything. The main challenge came in not actually speaking Spanish but in some of the pronunciation. We readily forget that local colloquial dialects in Spain differ as much as they do in Britain with Basque, Catalan and Andalucian as far apart as the West Country, Liverpool and Newcastle accents which, as my wife will testify, may well be classed as English but are worlds apart in the spoken vernacular.

There were a number of times when we wondered why, when reading direct from the phrase book, the person opposite looked quizzical answering Qué' as we were sure we'd got it right. Hence the reason for my useful phrases at the end of each week and the correct delivery. Stick by few simple pronunciation rules and you'll be amazed at the response.

So, having once mastered a few useful snippets believing ourselves to be almost fluent! It was down then to the speed at which the spoken word hits you. Being a Scouser, I thought my home town dialect came at ten to the dozen, however, ask a question of a local on his way to work and be prepared to be absolutely no better off in understanding after he trots merrily on his way.

You wouldn't be far wrong in believing that for every word in English, there were four or five put together in Spanish in every sentence, therefore, when a five worded answer was expected, twenty five words actually came back! Confusing I know, but hey, Spanish is an emotive and passionate language full of gesticulation and facial movements, just take a look at a Spanish footballer remonstrating with the referee for ten minutes when all he means to say is What, me ref?'

Me, well I love it, it's exciting and interesting when you have your first conversation with a local, albeit generic in it's content usually about the weather, it gives you a sense of satisfaction, and back in England, it impresses the people no end especially the one's who thought you couldn't speak English very well!

There's a lot I can advise or tell you about the language, but all the phrases I impart will mean nothing unless you try them out. I say it time and again, the people that get on here are those who try and fit in with the language, with the shopping, with the council, with the workmen, with everyone.

When on holiday or visiting as a prospective buyer, try and communicate early on with the locals. Sometimes when we ask in Spanish we are answered in perfect English, but only after we have made the effort, funny that isn't it? Wouldn't that be the same in your own country?

This Spanish land as we are still discovering, is steeped in a history as diverse and interesting as England's own. There are castles, walled cities, places where bloody battles took place and expanses of countryside whose beauty can even sometimes rival that of England. The beaches of the Mediterranean go on for miles and even with the coastal urbanisation pile up, you can still find a mile or two of secluded sand within ten feet of a free parking space for your car.

Every time we went out in the car we tried our best to get lost, (which wasn't hard) usually finding ourselves in a village not even marked on the map where you could get a dish of freshly cooked Languistino's and a ten year old bottle of Vino el Tinto. Another thing is the amount of time you can sometimes drive without seeing a house or any other habitat, even on a main road. I've said before always carry a phone and have a number of someone to call should you get into difficulty.

There was no doubt about one thing, every time we came to going back home, there was a feeling of what if?' we decided to stay and not fly back!

To be fair, it was more my feelings of being fed up' with life in Britain that induced me to crave a change of lifestyle and way of living. Rose always said as a Piscean I had itchy feet, a trait going back to my naval days. There was a long way to go and a lot to sort out. It was still only a romantic view of a better life. Neither of us was convinced that it could be a viable alternative to the safe life we had in England. There was a decision to be made and soon. Cost of living was starting to stretch the finances of running two homes, it was just a case of sell the Villa or take the chance and emigrate.

Spanish hint
Hire cars are a great way to get around. Even on an all inclusive holiday you'll usually find the excursions are extra and sometimes restrictive and regimented if you're looking for a break without a timetable. We always found a broker on the internet the best option with the car ready and waiting at Malaga airport. The actual pick up could not be simpler and the staff were always eager to give directions to hotels. Get out and about as soon as poss and remember, as I've said already, don't worry about mistakes.

Spanish drivers are very patient, as you'll find, especially when using roundabouts, which are a fairly new thing. Apart from a phone (check your English mobile is set for International use, easy), grab a road map which are plentiful at hotels or from a oficina de turismo' (tourist info office) where you'll usually find English speaking staff.

Carry at least a two litre bottle of water for each passenger and a basic phrase book. Hire cars carry all the legally required equipment such as danger triangles, high vis jackets etc, but don't forget, if you get caught out it's your responsibility. And don't forget to check for serious dents and scrapes though anything minor is usually overlooked or unrecorded as most of the cars carry battle scars!

Drive on the right, keep the aircon on full between April and October, never go past a garage if you're only a quarter full and enjoy the scenery. And if you decide to stop somewhere, make sure you leave a window open for the mother in law as she will soon overheat!

Spanish tip
Crime is a part of tourist life and like anywhere, if falling foul as a victim, it can mess your whole holiday up. This tip is not just for your trip to Spain, and it's not condescending in any way, but even we have nearly been caught out by complacency. Pickpockets, bag-snatchers, conmen are everywhere, after all, with such a large influx of tourists there's easy pickings to be had. As an ex Matelot and law Court's official, I more than most was sensitive to the way a criminal works, especially on foreign shores. Remember, he knows you probably don't know the word for Stop Thief!' and he knows to you they all look the same in an ID parade. If you're in a hotel then use the safes, and if you're in a holiday rental find a hide hole.

Don't carry all your money and credit cards around with you and split any cash between the whole party, even the kids, (children are very rarely victims of pickpockets!) I carry a few loose notes and change in a pocket for ready money and my wallet in a waist belt. And ladies, don't think you can keep your hand on your bag for three hours while shopping, you will find it open and the contents gone in 4 seconds. Use a belt as well when walking round, where possible leave your feminine accessories in the car or at the hotel.

Large belts like the one's Rose and I use have enough room for a phone, digi-camera and anything else required. Beaches are another popular area for losing things, but hey, I'm not going to teach you how to suck eggs, all the above applies, just leave nothing out in sight.

If you do have a problem, remember, shouting Policia' will get you noticed and someone will usually come running. All thefts must be reported to a police station and a report of loss obtained before most insurance companies pay out. Your hotel should also be able to help.

Spanish Facts
In Spain there is no tooth fairy! There is however a small mouse called Perez' who leaves a little surprise under a child's pillow when a lost tooth is put there.

Spain remained neutral during the First World War. During the Second World War, they opted out due to having just finished a civil war.

In 1898 Spain lost the last of its overseas colonies, Cuba, Puerto Rico and the Philippines.

The population of Malaga is estimated to be around 550,000 inhabitants making it Spain's 6th largest city.

Useful Phrase
Paras ladron!, me han robado! Me han robado la bolsa/la cartera

Pronounced: Parrass ladrron, may ahn rohbahdoh!lah bolsah/lah carrterrah

Meaning: Stop thief! I've been robbed, my handbag/my wallet has been stolen.

Next week: Weighing up the pros and cons, do we, don't we?