Shopping is normally actively avoided by me but a recent foray to a local supermarket produced the following observations.

There is invariably a queue of traffic to enter the car park. This is partly due to the eccentric layout of the car park (Asda take note) but principally because of the desire to park as close to the front door as is humanly possible - even if this involves blocking following traffic for some time until such a space becomes vacant.

The acres of empty spaces further away are completely ignored.

Once parked, shoppers walk to the entrance completely oblivious to other traffic.

A trolley is collected and parked in the middle of the doorway while a shopping list is dredged from some inaccessible pocket.

When in the store a walk of minimal speed is adopted (any slower and all forward motion would cease).

If accompanied a full discussion on the merits of each item selected is carried on at great length. A random course up and down the aisles makes no reference to the aforementioned list (if indeed this is being followed at all).

If an acquaintance is spotted a long conversation will be carried out while stationary at a particularly narrow point. Any children are encouraged to go and block up adjacent aisles.

On arrival at the check out, despite having spent the last few hours in a retail establishment, great surprise is expressed on being invited to pay. A purse or wallet is eventually located and a huge pile of pennies is laboriously counted out; “I’m sure I’ve got the right money”. Alternatively a cash card is inserted the wrong way into the machine and the query ‘any cash back’ is pondered long and hard.

Finally a huge wad of money off vouchers is discovered after the total has been rung in which entails a complete re-calculation and a saving of four pence on the total bill.

On the way back to the exit the trolley is brought to a complete stop while purchases are surveyed to ensure nothing has been forgotten.

Eventually the car is located and loaded while the trolley is allowed to run into the next door car.

That completes the fun until the next expedition!

Simon Palmer, St Georges Road, Portland