A gift of love

Just over a year ago Mandy, 44, was told she needed a kidney transplant. After six months of waiting for a suitable donor Graham made the life-changing decision to take the test himself.

Amazingly, he was compatible and the operation to donate one of his kidneys went ahead in November. The Chickerell couple are now getting ready to celebrate their 21st wedding anniversary tomorrow.

Mandy's kidney problems started 18 years ago while she was pregnant with their son Ben. A hole in her urethra meant urine was going back into her kidney so Mandy had to have yearly check ups. But in September 2001 doctors told her that her condition had deteriorated and that she would need a kidney transplant.

Graham, a 45-year-old senior officer at Portland's Young Offender Institution and brother of top referee Paul Durkin, said: "We thought it would be a few years down the line but when we went back in October they said the results were worse than expected, and she would need a transplant as soon as possible."

Mandy went on the national register but didn't hear anything about a donor. She said: "I didn't feel particularly poorly, but I had all the symptoms of a failing kidney, like being very tired and itchy."

Graham added: "Even though outside she looked OK and felt OK, inside her kidney was packing up."

The Durkins were told that the chances of a successful transplant were increased if the kidney came from a live donor. Graham, a former player for both Weymouth and Portland football teams, said: "It was July when I decided to be tested to see if I was compatible. It can take anything from a couple of weeks to 10 years to find a compatible donor and even then there are no guarantees, I didn't want to put Mandy through that.

"Me donating a kidney was the best option available to us. There were lots of decisions that could have been made but I knew that was the right one.

"Mandy and I have the same blood groups so that was a good start, but you have to go through about 12 stages and at every stage the doctor can say you're out if they're not satisfied.

"It was quite wearing for both of us to go through it all, worrying that at any time it could all be for nothing, and even if they did decide the operation could go ahead then Mandy's body could reject my kidney."

The process of testing Graham took just under a year and the operation went ahead at Bristol's Southmead Hospital on November 25 last year, taking 54 minutes.

Mandy is now recovering well, though she will be on medication for the rest of her life. Mandy, an admin officer for Dorset Community Action, still has her two own kidneys on one side of her body and Graham's on the other side, near her stomach. Graham's existing kidney will grow to half its size again to compensate for the loss of the other one.

Graham said: "We've been married for 20 years and Mandy has been through so much, it was nice to do something for her."

Mandy said: "What Graham's done has affected the lives of everyone in our family. It means we can get on with our lives as a family and our relationship is stronger for it.

"We met a woman at the hospital whose son had died and donated his organs. She told us that what he did was give people the gift of life and what Graham had given me was a gift of love."

Since the operation Mandy and Graham, both originally from Portland, have been into Dorset County Hospital to talk to other people thinking about donating an organ.

Graham said: "We really want to thank all the consultants at Dorset County Hospital, the transplant team, everyone on T ward and the surgeon at Bristol, Paul Lear and his team. They have all been absolutely fantastic and we're really grateful."