WHAT do you get when you cross my wedding rehearsal, my future mother-in-law and a World Cup clash against the old foes?

Answer – the uncomfortable day I face tomorrow.

Fabio’s side failed to win their group and landed themselves the most treacherous route to glory in South Africa. But they haven’t done me any favours, either.

Surely it is a given that less than a month before tying the knot is not the best time to fall out with the in-laws.

And England have put me in a potentially perilous position over the next 24 hours.

After Lucy and I practice the vows and do whatever else is expected at a wedding run-through, we’ll be tucking into a family Sunday lunch.

Having polished off roast beef as quickly as is humanly possible, I’ll be able to ready myself for the big kick-off. Memories of past battles with Germany – for me predominantly Italia 90 and Euro 96 – will stir the passions.

Friends and family around the country will gather together with one common goal – to cheer on the Three Lions. Except not everyone in my household will be on the same side.

You see, that is where the difficulty lies, because 3pm tomorrow is certainly not the ideal moment to be settling down next to my fiancee’s lovely mum, who just happens to be as German as Oktoberfest.

She’s lived here for most of her life, but will be cheering on the other lot, which is fair enough. I’d be doing exactly the same.

But spare a thought for yours truly as you unleash your feelings of joy (hopefully) or anger (more likely, I fear) at the television. Given the company, I may have to bite my tongue.