FORGET John Fashanu, Wayne Sleep and the rest of the Z-list crowd currently basking in the Australian jungle trying to force their mugs back into the national spotlight. Cherries are involved in a little reality game show all of their own at the moment - "We Want To Be Footballers - Get Us Out Of Here!"

If there were ever 90 minutes that proved Cherries need to be playing in a higher division then Saturday was the pudding.

Sean O'Driscoll's side certainly don't have a God-given right to win promotion back into the second division.

But with no disrespect to the other teams in the league, we've visited Division Three, we've even quite enjoyed our stay but we really, really want to go home now please!

For all the Football they're able to play as this level, Wade Elliott might as well go back to university and become a professor and Danny Thomas should go into hair modelling. Garreth O'Connor, Stephen Purches and Brian Stock could all audition for boy bands (singing ability preferred but not compulsory) while there are all manner of worthwhile nine-to-five jobs the others might find more rewarding than watching a ball in mid-air for an hour-and-a-half.

It wasn't Bury's fault, they played the football that suited their pitch and they played it well, even with a man short.

But when you see Elliott attempt to embark on one of his trademark excursions down the wing only for his first touch to bobble up and hit his shin and then his second almost bounce out of play, you could perhaps understand why a life in lecturing may suddenly seem appealing.

And while a Dean Court pitch like a golfing green won't necessarily guarantee Cherries success in the decisive second leg tomorrow, at least, touch wood, the feet of the 22 players on show will have a better work out than their heads and chests.

Of course it could be argued if Cherries stay in League basement next season, the management should abandon their pretty football policy, dump the players they've got and replace them with smack 'em up big boys.

But who in all honesty would prefer that?

There is fighting fire with fire when needs must, Saturday's game being a case in point, but every week?

More accustomed to the illustrious climes of Preston and Wigan, one hack sat in the Gigg Lane press box had the audacity to proclaim at half-time, "That is the worst 45 minutes of football I've seen this season".

Anyone who has seen all 46 of Cherries' league matches home and away this term would probably struggle to disagree.

On a pitch that not only hosts Bury's first team but also Bolton Wanderers' reserves as well as the odd rugby match, you did wonder at one point whether all the players were going to ride out on horse back for a civilised game of polo.

But sadly for the 1,327 Cherries fans that had done battle with the M6, the horses stayed in the stables and the players were left to rely on their football boots and judgement for what they were worth.

Bury dominated the opening half-an-hour, Jon Newby causing Cherries problems down the right while Lee Connell and the industrious Martyn Forrest saw efforts from distance fail to find the back of the net early on.

Shakers skipper Michael Nelson, head bandaged after an accidental clash with striker James Hayter, also tried his luck from the edge of the box before George Clegg's superb curled in free-kick found Colin Cramb sliding in at the far post only for his attempt to roll along the goal-line.

Riding their luck at times, but with Carl Fletcher and in particular Phil Gulliver, producing arguably his best performance since arriving on loan from Middlesbrough, providing resolute resistance, Cherries created little in the way of chances.

In fact O'Driscoll's side had to wait until the 34th minute to test Glyn Garner for the first time, Danny Thomas's low ball to the near post being cleared to Gulliver, whose shot was comfortably dealt with by the Shakers stopper.

But anyone who had nodded off in the 45 minutes previously would have quickly been jolted awake when the game exploded into life just before the half-time whistle. Gulliver produced a rangy pass from left to right which both Wade Elliott and Jamie Stuart rose for.

But when Elliott caught Stuart on his nose with his elbow, the one-time Cherries target, sacked by Charlton in 1997 after testing positive for drugs, swung a punch in Elliott's direction prompting referee Jeff Winter to instantly pull out his red card.

With the freedom of Gigg Lane and a man advantage after half-time, Cherries would have hoped to be able to carve a way through the Bury rearguard. But with the pitch more rutted than Aintree, Cherries' best chances came from Neil Young deliveries swung into the box.

Steve Fletcher, wriggling free from limpet Nelson, twice went close with back post headers from that source, Garner denying the targetman on both occasions, while Stock shot millimetres high from 25-yards.

But it was luckless near-miss man Stephen Purches who almost sent Cherries home with a one-goal advantage 18 minutes from time.

After Elliott had forced his way to the byline, he produced a low cross to the near post where Purches was sliding in.

But although the Cherries midfielder made contact with the ball, sending it goalwards, it hit the back of an oblivious Garner's leg and trickled agonisingly across the face of goal before anyone could force it over the line.

The word knife-edge was invented for tomorrow night.