IMAGINE a lump of metal, the size of Jupiter, hurtling through the cosmos, unstoppable, vaporising everything in its path, spinning, spitting, snarling and heading straight for our planet Earth.

Not just anywhere on Earth, but more specifically the UK, South Dorset to be exact, and Weymouth town centre to be even more exacterer.

So what is going to happen when it impacts, apart from causing about twenty quid’s worth of improvements?

Well, you’ll just have to go to Finns next Friday and Saturday, which is June 26 and 27, for the monster of metal that is the inaugural Support Your Scene festival. Over the two days, punters’ lugholes will be subjected to the loudest, most crushing and bowel-loosening din from a huge array of metal bands from across the south. So what’s not to like?

Friday’s line-up includes Bridgwater’s Kinasis, Home Counties rockers Meta-Stasis, one-man death metal band Atonement, Tripwire from Bournemouth and Weymouth’s very own moshers Fissure of Riddles and End of Daze, plus many more.

And as if that was not enough, there’s an absolute shedload on the Saturday with appearances from assorted metallers including Attention Thieves, Wisefool, Weatherstate, Dorchester’s Solent (ah, if only they would call their debut album… But Deadly) and Artemis, to name but a few.

It’s a bumper bonanza of great music and tickets are yours for the unbelievable bargain price of £5 for each day or £8 for the weekend package and are available from dorset-music.co.uk.

Check out the organisers’ website at mammothmetalfestival.co.uk for all the information.

No mammoths were harmed during the construction of this website, by the way.

For those of you of a more sedate nature, you’d better stop your sedateness and get your act together if you want tickets for tomorrow’s Chesil Rocks festival at Langton Herring.

Now in its third year, there’s a fabulous line-up of talent from round these parts and further afield, including Imperial Leisure, Jolly Boys Outing, The WTF Band (WTF does WTF stand for?) BiProxy, C Sharp Blues, Wilson and many others including poetry and storytelling tents.

Tickets are a mere £12.50 for grown-ups and £7.50 for children from 11-16 but there are only a handful left so be quick, OK?

Last year the event raised more than £9,000 for The Samaritans and this year organisers hope to raise even more for this amazing organisation.

As festival host Hillary Warren tells me: “Suicide is the leading cause of death in men under the age of 40. This needs to change”.

You’re flippin’ right, Hillary.

Details of any remaining tickets can be found online at chesilrocks.com.

And this Saturday and Sunday, June 20 and 21, it’s the CiderFest at the Rendezvous in Weymouth.

How on earth there’s any cider left in the county after last Saturday’s Ska Fest III at the Spice Ship is anyone’s guess, but even so, they’ve found some more and there’s a great line-up of artists, including Georgie Broad, Matt Taylor and The Chase on Saturday and Boytits, Till There Was Uke, Chase Me and The Leggomen on Sunday, with all the fun and games kicking off at noon each day.

And, finally to all of you musicians and drummers going on stage this weekend, break a leg, OK? Oh, hang on a minute…

TONIGHT (19)

Ben Waters Band (Marine Theatre, Lyme Regis)

Shooter (Finns, Weymouth)

Leggomen (Lazy Lizard, Weymouth)

Martin Freed (Little Ship, Portland)

Steve Whale (Weymouth Working Men’s Club, Weymouth)

Darren H (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

The Rat Pack (Royal Portland Arms, Portland)

Total Madness (Park Hotel, Weymouth)

The Unpredictables (Wyke Smugglers, Weymouth)

Leggomen (Royal Oak, Quayside, Weymouth)

Jam Night (The Lounge, Colwell Centre, Weymouth)

Billy Solo (Wellington, Weymouth)

Compass (Royal Exchange, Portland)

The Remedy (Tom Brown’s, Dorchester)

Mark Stacey (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

NUMB (Ropemakers, Bridport)

Howling at the Moon (King’s Arms, Weymouth)

SATURDAY (20)

Imperial Leisure, Sarah De Warren, Jolly Boys Outing, Biproxy, Wilson, C Sharp Blues and many more (Chesil Rocks, Langton Herring, nr Weymouth) In aid of The Samaritans. See chesilrocks.com for details

Georgie Broad, Matt Taylor, The Chase (Rendezvous, Weymouth) From midday, it’s the CiderFest.

Shepherd’s Pie (Finns, Weymouth)

Blazing Strings (Lazy Lizard, Weymouth)

Blue Rock (Sailors Return, Weymouth)

The Chase (Rendezvous, Weymouth)

Mike Walker (Conservative Club, Weymouth)

The Dinnerladies (Red Lion, Gillingham)

Helena Mace (Weymouth Working Men’s Club, Weymouth)

The Usual Suspects (Wyke Regis Working Men’s Club, Portland Rd, Weymouth)

The Katz (RBL Club, Portland)

Splinter (Golden Lion, Weymouth)

Sheryl Lee (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Johnny Mac (Park Hotel, Weymouth)

Tripod (Wyke Smugglers, Weymouth)

Du Kane (Pebble Bank, Wyke Regis, Weymouth)

Jonathan Cotton ( Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

Blazing Strings (Little Ship, Portland) 2-5pm, in the garden.

Left Right and Centre (Centenary Club, Weymouth)

One II One (Bridge Inn, Weymouth)

Zoe Schwarz Blue Commotion (Tom Browns, Dorchester)

Surfin’ Birds, Fish Hook (Goldies, Dorchester)

Ansell and Gretal (Victoria, Dorchester)

General Free Cat (Ropemakers, Bridport)

Leanne Jackson (King’s Arms, Weymouth)

SUNDAY (21)

Boytits, Till There Was Uke, Chase Me, Leggomen (Rendezvous, Weymouth) From midday, the CiderFest continues.

The Veterans (Weymouth Working Mens Club, Weymouth) 2pm-5pm

Rob Ryan (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth) 3.30pm

James’ Acoustic Jam (Royal Portland Arms, Portland) 5pm-7pm

Remix (Park Hotel, Weymouth) 4pm

Matt Lock (Wyke Smugglers, Weymouth)

Duke and the Broad (New Vic, Weymouth) 1pm

Replay (Red Lion, Weymouth) 2pm

Ricky Solo (Sailor’s Return, St Nicholas St, Weymouth) From 3pm

Jam Night (Sailor’s Return, Nicholas Street, Weymouth) Music from 8pm

Sunday Session (Sydney Arms, Dorchester)

Finn (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

Arron Carter (Little Ship, Portland) 3pm in the garden.

Gut and Steel (Royal Exchange, Portland) 2pm

Billy Solo (The George, Portland) 4pm

Sheryl Lee (King’s Arms, Weymouth)

MONDAY (22)

Powelly, Matt Black, Chris Payne (Rendezvous, Weymouth) From 8pm

TUESDAY (23)

Martin Freed (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

WEDNESDAY (24)

Kathy (Duke of Cornwall, Weymouth)

Billy Hutchinson’s Open Mic Night (Rendezvous, Weymouth) From 8pm

Open Mic with Danx (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Wessex Folk Night (Sailors Return, Nicholas Street, Weymouth)

Acoustic folk, here every Wednesday, from 8pm.

Open Mic Night (Ropemakers, Bridport)

THURSDAY (25)

Boo Hewerdine (Sunray Folk Club, village hall, Broadmayne)

Leggomen (George, Weymouth)

The Lanterns (The Stables, Weymouth)

Ricky Solo (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Open Mic Surgery (Tom Brown’s, High East St, Dorchester) All backline provided, come on down and have a play.

Steve’s Singalong (Duke of Cornwall, St Edmund Street, Weymouth) Steve hosts, with guests joining in.

Traditional Tune Session (Cove House Inn, ChiswelI, Portland)

Ukulele Sessions (Sailors Return, St Nicholas St, Weymouth) Strum on down from 8pm.

FRIDAY (26)

Meta-Stasis, Cambion, Kinasis, Atonement, Tripwire, End of Daze, King Leviathan, Last Days of Rome (Finns, Weymouth) Day One of the Support Your Scene Fest. From 5pm.

Amy Mayes and The Change (Wyke Smugglers, Weymouth)

Paul Gibson (Royal Portland Arms, Portland)

Just John (Weymouth Working Mens Club, Weymouth)

Georgie and Darren H (Edinburgh House of Sounds, Weymouth)

Paul Gibson (Royal Portland Arms, Portland)

Charlie (Park Hotel, Weymouth)

Jess Upton and the Guilty Pleasures (Spice Ship, Weymouth)

Leggomen (Royal Oak, Quayside, Weymouth)

Jam Night (The Lounge, Colwell Centre, Weymouth)

Billy Solo (Wellington, Weymouth)

Southern Sinners (Royal Exchange, Portland)

Boy le Monti (Ropemakers, Bridport)